Parenting: Intentionality

My sister Emily and brother-in-law Chris live in Texas and have two of the cutest kids alive (not including Jonathan, of course). Emily was an elementary teacher and Chris is a pastor. They have a great blog where you can find posts all sorts of stuff about life, family, cooking, and other kinds of fun.

I asked them to contribute to this series since Avery and Mary Hannah are not only so cute, but also REALLY well behaved and VERY smart.

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We intentionally plan fun and educational experiences. Learning begins at home with mom and dad as the sources of knowledge. With that belief as the foundation for our “curriculum” we seek out opportunities in our community to teach our children about the world around them. Here are some specific examples:

• During the 2008 election, we taught our 3 year old about the presidential candidates, voting, and had him color in on a map of the U.S. with red or blue crayon as the states were announced whether they voted democrat or republican. See this blog post for pictures.
• I decide on a theme or topic that I know would currently interest my children and then check out books from the library all about it. The kids loved the books about our 5 senses!
• We took a trip to a vegetable farm to pick strawberries so the kids could participate and understand that the fruit grows on a plant in the ground, not on a grocery store shelf.
• During our move, we broke out the maps to locate our home and our friends and families across the country.
• When we were driving from FL to TX one time, we printed coloring pages of each state we were driving through and made a binder for each child. Because of that my 4 year old learned and remembered every state from here to there, and my 2 year old knows them pretty well, too.

We intentionally converse with our children. We communicate our expectations and model for the children how we would like them to speak/act/respond. For example, check out this little video clip of Mary Hannah learning how to ask nicely for help.

In our home there is an ongoing conversation. Our children know that our home or car is a safe place to ask questions, and that they will get answers. Although it can be quite tiring to have to talk so much (our kids are talkers!!!), we want our kids to continue to talk to us … cause they’re gonna keep asking… and WE want to be the ones who get to answer!

We intentionally protect family time by choosing to spend a majority of our evenings and weekends at home or with just core family. Now that the children are old enough to start receiving play date and birthday party invitations, though we appreciate them, we cannot accept them all. In fact, we accept very few. Since Daddy is a pastor and is quite busy on the weekends, this practice of protecting family time is even more important.

We intentionally plan family vacations. They are sometimes grand and sometimes small, but vacations are essential for our entire family. We get away from the everyday distractions. We “unplug” from the daily grind, and “plug-in” to each other. These getaways are essential especially for the adults who regularly become distracted by routine housework, chores, and job-related to do lists. Sometimes family time at home can become nothing more than work at home. We have seen some of the greatest growth and development in our children while on vacation. The greater “face time” we give them, the more they learn and the more mom and dad are paying attention to notice!

New Parenting Series

Since many of our friends have moved into the parent category, we’re starting a new section on this blog. It’s going to be geared toward parenting.

NOTE: We’re not experts. Jonathan is only 3 months old at the time this post is being published. But we hope what we’ve learned in the short 3 months of our experience can help others. I’m also hoping to get some other friends who have had more experience, or just different experiences for that matter, to write in and share as well.

So, to start things off, here’s the first tip:

Have Fun!

Babies can be a lot of work. It can be a hard adjustment. But it’s worth it!

Keep it simple:
Babies don’t have an attitude like teenagers can. You don’t have to impress them and you don’t have to be cool. All you have to do is smile and talk like you’re having the time of your life. They jump right in.

And you don’t have to have a toy. Jonathan loves it when I take a burp cloth and pretend that he’s blowing his nose in it. I wriggle it around and make noises as I press it on his nose. He has a huge smile and coos every time.

Plan on it:
I’ve changed the last half hour of my work day so I can start to shift gears so by the time I’m home, I’m ready to have fun. I get to fly Jonathan around the house like a superhero, teach him how to ride a dog like it’s a horse, dance to M.C. Hammer, and all sorts of other silly things that I hadn’t really pictured myself doing two years ago.

I want my son to know that when I get home, it’s time to interact. My winding down needs to happen in the car on the way home, not when I walk in the door and see my family. “Daddy’s home” should be an exciting thing to hear. I’m taking the time now to teach myself how to be a loving husband and father by coming home with energy for my family rather than spent from the day. After all, my family is a higher priority than my job!

Some things can be planned out before I leave the office and I think about spending the evening with my family. Other times, it’s the random thing that sticks and becomes a tradition. SuperJonathan started out as a whim one night, but it’s turned into a regular thing at our house.

Use every opportunity:

We just got back from a wedding in Nashville. One of the first things I did when we arrived was bounce Jonathan on the bed. His smile and giggles made it so much fun for me that I think I enjoyed it much more than he did. And it made the drive and afternoon sleepiness go away for me. And he wasn’t fussy anymore because he was having fun. Sure, he was tired from the car ride and the car seat, but he was having a ball with his Daddy.

Find your style:
Maybe sound effects aren’t your style. Maybe you’re too cool for baby talk. Find out what works for you and what makes your child smile. Then stick with that. Remember that your goal is to make your child laugh, not let you relax.

Focus:
Though babies aren’t as sharp as adults may be, they can still tell when you’re not paying attention. Don’t think that just because you’re making the noise they like it’s ok for you to check your email on your phone. This is your child we’re talking about. Focus on building that parent-child relationship now. It will help you more than you know.

After all, if you’re not having fun together now, why do you think it will change in the future?

What are some things you’ve done that have been fun for your family?